Why Ambition is Such a Killjoy

(Before you read this, expecting stuff about my recent Miami trip, let me warn you. This is about something more abstract, but will be followed in a few days with a bigger Miami-post)


I've been thinking, and I have one big want in life. I want to be unambitious. I want whatever drives me to aspire higher and not have a regular, 9-5 life to go away. And I'd love for my ego to be fine with that. College life is so many things to people, from fun and carefree, to an everyday hassle and struggle just to keep one's head above academic water. Since I landed in SD, with the exception of that amazing Boundary Waters trip and chilling in Beresford, my life has been the latter, and it's not pleasant. As I wrote in one of my previous posts, I want my life to contain more living, and less fast-forwarding to the good parts. Making every moment, every day count for something. And that seems very hard to do nowadays. Classes have me working my tail section off for scraps (the scraps being less than stellar grades since I have 3 major science classes on my plate at the same time), and the fun times never seem to last long or even exist at times. That's not how college was intended.

I frequently hear people, older people, talk fondly about their wild and carefree college days when they never had to cook or pay bills, never had to think about much else than writing a paper now and then, before spending the weekend (or week) drinking with their friends. But they must not have been pre-med, and they can't possibly have been Augie science students. I see my own college life in contrast, and see how I go to bed at 1 am almost every day, but not because I have fun or party. I always have 146 pages to read or problems to solve, and the bad conscience that comes with letting go once in a while puts a wet blanket on any fun times that might be had. That's when I fantasize that my life minus ambition might very well be a happier one.

Ambition pushes you to do more work to attain higher goals. Reaching goals is a good thing, and makes you feel accomplished and (in theory) happy. Yet, when considering people of less ambition, lower goals, and perhaps lower aptitude, I can't help but notice that nowadays on the road to life as an adult, they're having a whole lot more fun. And they seem happier and more carefree, as well. Plus, the sad thing is, they are going to be that happy for a long while, because when your goals are low enough and you are comfortable not doing anything special or other than a 9-5 thing, you will get there, and thrive. While, paradoxically, people who strive higher and work harder to accomplish something, are less happy or content with their lives getting there.

I'd love to have both, as I usually say, and I have to find a way for that to happen. There MUST be a way to both be happy and have fun and get somewhere. I've been researching alternate majors that might still lead to the same end goal (med school), but that might still allow me more enjoyment and fun from my present-day life. My natural (sadly enough) abilities are actually more philosophy/sociology/psychology or even language based, so now my idea is to go for what I'm good at and build from there. I'd still be taking med school prerequisites like physiology and organic chemistry, but my main emphasis would be on things I naturally master. And we all know mastering something is more fun, leads to less time spent on the subject while still acing the class, and this again leads to more life to be lived. The latter is not only important, but crucial, to a happy and more carefree existence, and yes, might ultimately lead to college years I actually want to remember and re-experience.

Labels: College Stuff, Personal Issues, Ponderings

posted by CK @ 05:32