Life Lessons of 2009

Every year, like most people, I make myself a nifty list of new year's resolutions destined to all be broken by the time the fireworks stop crackling overhead. Most of the items on the list turn into mere year guidelines than actual rules or resolutions, picked and chosen by fate and continuously fighting the adversarial free will, bad judgment, and constitutional weaknesses once said to make us human. Since this year is special, and marks the end of the decade started out so optimistically with the Y2K hysteria back in 2000, I figured I'd add a twist to this year's last post. It's time to take stock of the passing year before resolving to improve anything in the new one - and so that's exactly what I'll do. This, friends, is my official 2009 Life Lesson Recap.

A. People are unpredictable at best, irrational at worst.

This is no surprise to most of us, if you poke your head out the door frequently enough to connect with other life forms. But, as all lessons, this one did also have to be relearned this year. Much has been said and ranted about among my friends for the past month about my recent altercation with my own environment, but little has come from me about the most recent incident to derail my carefully crafted educational plan. Now, the circumstances of the big problem of this December are mostly irrelevant, except for the disproportional effect it managed to cause and the monumental misjudgment on my part of my own presumed friends. I realized I'm not always - and my actions and intentions aren't always - perceived as I'd like to think or hope they are. The people I surrounded myself with, once believed to be friends and now carefully clustered with the faker faction of the college population, decided in secrecy during the course of the last semester that my behavior was out of line and inappropriate. So far so good, as no one is aware of the full extent of their impact on others, and since changing behaviors in response to external guidance is a basic human trait; simple communication would solve the problem, and life would be more easily lived in a house because of it. But, that being said, simple communication isn't always that.. well, easy for some.

Place twelve random strangers in a house with no precognition of each other, and you have a recipe for social disaster unless the unknown is disarmed by maturity. And in this case, that was not the case. Instead of open and mature conversation about any problem, ranging from dish washing to respecting feelings, the house resolved internal conflicts by the 'carpet' method; shove the uncomfortable problems under the rug and hope it disappears (but, of course, keep adding to the mess' size by piling onto it while no one can see it), and after a while the problems can't be contained by a mere rug anymore. Under the surface of the ill-fated house were so many different problems, my own included, and when the rug exploded the shortest straw turned out to be mine. Channeled into the massive clean-up operation were everyone's frustrations, issues, dramatic tendencies and immature half-truths, all designed to be (hopefully) thrown out with the (sacrificial) bath water.

As we mature, most of us see that the ways we deal with uncomfortable issues are limited if we seek a balanced, truly resolving outcome. In our toolbox we have confrontation, (the Christian concept of) forgiveness, and lastly the necessary glue of hope for change. If any one of those aren't used in healing a house, the foundation will crumble faster than we might think. The friends.. excuse me, "friends" I surrounded myself with in the house this fall violated them all, twisting confrontation into a guessing game where no one knew if my negative behavior had been addressed face to face (and not just in secrecy, brewing the venomous environment they themselves then fostered), and killing forgiveness altogether by slaughtering the concept of hope (and trust in potential for change) before its inception. The fake smiles and pledges of friendship all the while exhibited outwardly by them is atrocious and sad, testifying to the true core of their character. But, that being said, I really am over it. I did something wrong, then I was wronged myself, and thus the balance (of two wrongs making a right) has been upheld. I see myself more clearly, I saw them for what they were, and we all profited. I will go on with my life with true, mature and self-respecting friends, and I have shed their heavy layers.

B. (We need a B after all that?) Family Matters.

Yeah, I know you knew that. I knew that too, but not as much as this summer. Back in Norway, the true meaning of family became clearer than ever as my immediate family took an unhealthy turn for the worse, a spiral that only continued the minute I was on the plane back to Sioux Falls. But, family is mainly a support network of love, and despite its flaws I now see that my family can bond together during times of tribulation. That's good to know.

C. People Come and Go.

No matter how much I thought my best friends through junior high would be there until I died, they're not a part of my life anymore. Past loves and recent friendships fall by the wayside every year, but now I realize this happens to all of us. We have a few people that stay with us, including family, for which I am more grateful than ever.

D. It Starts With #1.

Without loving yourself, you're nothing. Any positive change we make has to start on the inside and radiate out, and any other anchoring will fall short of our potential. Self-respect, self-understanding, and self-protection are all necessary to be happy, and until we have these, no endeavor can fully succeed or make us happy. Healthy boundaries and time for the self through reflection and enjoyment of life is key.

It's been a long year (365.25 days I hear), and many things have taken place and been started or completed between January 1 and December 31. No post can capture all our yearly growth, so I'll cut myself off here. I know every year is better than the last - after all, we have another year to build on.

Labels: Episode Accounts, Era Summaries, Major Updates, Philosophy, Rants

posted by CK @ 08:14