Every year, like most people, I make myself a nifty list of new year's resolutions destined to all be broken by the time the fireworks stop crackling overhead. Most of the items on the list turn into mere year guidelines than actual rules or resolutions, picked and chosen by fate and continuously fighting the adversarial free will, bad judgment, and constitutional weaknesses once said to make us human. Since this year is special, and marks the end of the decade started out so optimistically with the Y2K hysteria back in 2000, I figured I'd add a twist to this year's last post. It's time to take stock of the passing year before resolving to improve anything in the new one - and so that's exactly what I'll do. This, friends, is my official 2009 Life Lesson Recap.
A. People are unpredictable at best, irrational at worst.
This is no surprise to most of us, if you poke your head out the door frequently enough to connect with other life forms. But, as all lessons, this one did also have to be relearned this year. Much has been said and ranted about among my friends for the past month about my recent altercation with my own environment, but little has come from me about the most recent incident to derail my carefully crafted educational plan. Now, the circumstances of the big problem of this December are mostly irrelevant, except for the disproportional effect it managed to cause and the monumental misjudgment on my part of my own presumed friends. I realized I'm not always - and my actions and intentions aren't always - perceived as I'd like to think or hope they are. The people I surrounded myself with, once believed to be friends and now carefully clustered with the faker faction of the college population, decided in secrecy during the course of the last semester that my behavior was out of line and inappropriate. So far so good, as no one is aware of the full extent of their impact on others, and since changing behaviors in response to external guidance is a basic human trait; simple communication would solve the problem, and life would be more easily lived in a house because of it. But, that being said, simple communication isn't always that.. well, easy for some.
Place twelve random strangers in a house with no precognition of each other, and you have a recipe for social disaster unless the unknown is disarmed by maturity. And in this case, that was not the case. Instead of open and mature conversation about any problem, ranging from dish washing to respecting feelings, the house resolved internal conflicts by the 'carpet' method; shove the uncomfortable problems under the rug and hope it disappears (but, of course, keep adding to the mess' size by piling onto it while no one can see it), and after a while the problems can't be contained by a mere rug anymore. Under the surface of the ill-fated house were so many different problems, my own included, and when the rug exploded the shortest straw turned out to be mine. Channeled into the massive clean-up operation were everyone's frustrations, issues, dramatic tendencies and immature half-truths, all designed to be (hopefully) thrown out with the (sacrificial) bath water.
As we mature, most of us see that the ways we deal with uncomfortable issues are limited if we seek a balanced, truly resolving outcome. In our toolbox we have confrontation, (the Christian concept of) forgiveness, and lastly the necessary glue of hope for change. If any one of those aren't used in healing a house, the foundation will crumble faster than we might think. The friends.. excuse me, "friends" I surrounded myself with in the house this fall violated them all, twisting confrontation into a guessing game where no one knew if my negative behavior had been addressed face to face (and not just in secrecy, brewing the venomous environment they themselves then fostered), and killing forgiveness altogether by slaughtering the concept of hope (and trust in potential for change) before its inception. The fake smiles and pledges of friendship all the while exhibited outwardly by them is atrocious and sad, testifying to the true core of their character. But, that being said, I really am over it. I did something wrong, then I was wronged myself, and thus the balance (of two wrongs making a right) has been upheld. I see myself more clearly, I saw them for what they were, and we all profited. I will go on with my life with true, mature and self-respecting friends, and I have shed their heavy layers.
B. (We need a B after all that?) Family Matters.
Yeah, I know you knew that. I knew that too, but not as much as this summer. Back in Norway, the true meaning of family became clearer than ever as my immediate family took an unhealthy turn for the worse, a spiral that only continued the minute I was on the plane back to Sioux Falls. But, family is mainly a support network of love, and despite its flaws I now see that my family can bond together during times of tribulation. That's good to know.
C. People Come and Go.
No matter how much I thought my best friends through junior high would be there until I died, they're not a part of my life anymore. Past loves and recent friendships fall by the wayside every year, but now I realize this happens to all of us. We have a few people that stay with us, including family, for which I am more grateful than ever.
D. It Starts With #1.
Without loving yourself, you're nothing. Any positive change we make has to start on the inside and radiate out, and any other anchoring will fall short of our potential. Self-respect, self-understanding, and self-protection are all necessary to be happy, and until we have these, no endeavor can fully succeed or make us happy. Healthy boundaries and time for the self through reflection and enjoyment of life is key.
It's been a long year (365.25 days I hear), and many things have taken place and been started or completed between January 1 and December 31. No post can capture all our yearly growth, so I'll cut myself off here. I know every year is better than the last - after all, we have another year to build on.
Some things in this world are pretty self-evident. The sun rises in the morning, we breathe air and the grass is green. Pepper goes with salt, friends are the opposite of enemies, and doing the right thing always pays off in the end.. wait, that last one is actually not all that true. At least not from what I've seen so far, and that's what I want to talk to you about. Karma is, as the saying goes, a bitch.
In my ideal world, hard work is rewarded, and good things pay huge dividends compared to bad things. It should never pay off to choose the wrong path, on purpose. In fact, that's where the mystical order of the world should naturally step in, and bad things should never happen to good people. If only the world we live in was that predictable and logical.. but it's not. Let me walk you through a.. hypothetical example, that happened to.. a neighbor of mine:
Josh was an even-tempered, nice guy who always tried his hardest to please everyone, and to always do the right thing. He overexerted himself to stay on the right path, to be just, and to always follow his strong and deeply rooted principles and morals. He never lied, never tried drugs, or even smoked a cigarette.. and he made sure that his younger brother, uhmm.. Peter.. was always taken care of, no matter how screwed up the rest of his family was. And Josh felt pretty good about this, and was sure that in the end, when push would come to shove and people were to count their marbles (no more metaphores, please), they'd remember the good and right things he'd done, and count him among the select few, among the good guys. That was all he wanted, and except for this the random acts of kindness and helpfulness were all out of selflessness and appreciation for his fellow man.
One day Josh got a true slap in the face, from nowhere. He was going about his business, studying hard for finals and trying to get good grades and finish group projects, in addition to being sociable and hanging out with friends before break. Suddenly, on a Friday before his big tests, he was told that he'd been implicated in something not only big, but of such a nature that he couldn't believe it.. he'd been thoroughly framed for someone else's wrongdoings, simply due to being the perfect sacrificial lamb. Through being the straight arrow that never stood out as anything bad, he'd now been turned into the ultimate scapegoat for other people's inconvenience. In return, the people that had framed him, the people claiming more intensely than ever that he HAD to be the perpetrator, got to sleep soundly at night imagining that they'd found the right guy to blame. When break came around, they all left campus for home, all making themselves believe that their long-fought struggle had now ended, that their ugly chapter had been closed. What they never seemed to consider, though, was Josh' innocence, and the fact that not only was their choice of person to pin the blame on not guilty, he had never done anything mean or evil in his entire life. He did, truly, not even know fully what he had been blamed so thoroughly for, and was now sentenced not only to roam the States for Christmas without any friends to keep in touch with, he had now lost his faith in humanity.
People never seize to amaze me. I have always believed that people jump to conclusions way too fast, and almost every time that is based on really, really faulty information as well as the group effect. The group effect, in Josh' example, refers to the witch hunt process that starts with an intense need to find someone to blame, escalates with someone's ingenious mentioning of a good scapegoat, and ends in everyone reinforcing the belief that they must be right by only discussing their finding with each other, inside the group. If the people in the above example had, at any time, taken the time to not just concoct little schemes internally in the group, fueled by the need for drama, but actually talk to any single one of Josh' friends and close ones, the idea would be dismissed at once.
People are consistent, if nothing else. We have our set ways, our character, and we stick to it. That means, in Josh' case, that it wasn't just unlikely that he'd ever do anything hurtful to other people, nor would he ever scheme, lie, or gossip in any way. By not taking his character and moral values, and their personal experience of his personality, into account when considering his guilt, the group of 'friends' that ultimately decided to try to break him down acted on the weakest of all possible foundations: convenience.
The saddest part of the above example is the character of the people deciding to frame Josh. Not only did they not know Josh very well, obviously, but they were also perfectly content with sacrificing someone whom they've only seen do good and helpful things. At one point, Josh told me, his best friend in the group had also been sold the perfect scapegoat idea, and it took less than a second for her to buy into it.. probably due to the sheer number of people that had already told each other that they thought he was the guy. The best friend, now corrupted and becoming nothing more than a weak tool for the Blame Party to utilize, then proceeded to try to 'lure' and set up Josh by hinting that she was a huge fan of whoever had carried out the original crime. Josh, although baffled and scared by the thought, started suspecting his best friend of being the real McCoy, although he never brought this to anyone's attention before he was in the crap to over his head. When he was then informed that the people he had trusted and leaned on the most were in fact just as brainwashed and hateful as the rest, Josh was out of options, out of ways to defend himself. Without real proof of someone else being the perp, his former friends left campus thinking they could now sleep soundly, and that justice had been served. Little did they know, or care, that the innocent guy now framed was left back at school with no way to prove the truth that now only he believed in.
Karma might not follow the rules of the road, or any other rules for that matter. But truth still does, and it has a way of emerging just as we think it will never come forth. And when it does, when truth sees daylight again, Josh will be there, still hurt and still disappointed, waiting for his apologies. But in the long run, in the end, apologies can never mend this incredible misjudgement of character. Best friends will never be best friends again, and friends will never be friends. Some things, some betrayals, are too much for any relationship to bear. In the end, only justice can heal the wounds now inflicted by people hungry for a quick fix and with a disregard for the actual truth. In the end, justice will be served.
Too often are bad things like lies, deceit, infidelity (cheating), gossip, violence, psychological terror/abuse and other crap rewarded by people everywhere. I see guys cheating and lying, only to be either taken back or kept around in some other form. For the rest of us, who never would even think to breach the trust and hurt a girl like that, this seeming injustice is not only unfair, but sad. The concept of karma, being that of good people being rewarded by good things happening in their lives and vice versa, is not always applied by people around us. This has its reasons, and sometimes the circumstances are mediating, but some ultimate bad acts should still consistently be followed by bad repercussions, or the good acts will all lose their meaning and inherent goodness. If a cheater is taken back after cheating and is shown the same amount of love, what is the point in staying faithful? If a liar is forgiven time after time, why ever speak the truth? If someone who breaks every girl's heart through pure disregard for anything but his own feelings, is not only kept around and held in the same regard as the good guys, but even regarded higher despite this, what is the point in ever doing the right thing or treating the opposite sex with respect and dignity?
It is through the consistent support and forgiveness of evil that it prospers, and by this mechanism how the good acts and intentions lose their meaning. If bad is treated like good, what is the difference? In a perfect world, we would all shun the bad guys and girls, the heart breakers, liars and cheaters, the people who don't care, and make sure they don't get to feed on the positive energy of good things like friendships or attention. We would make the good our standard, and make sure that we make our own karma. Karma is mostly a human made concept, after all, where we through reward and punishment of good and bad deeds make sure justice prevails, and where we make sure our lives contain an abundance of the pure kind of good.
So I'm back. And for most of you, this is the only sign of life you have received from your favorite future doctor in the exact month (that's 30 long days to those of you with a longing for Christian and a passion for numbers). Whether you're reading this on Blogger or Facebook, man, do I have news for you. Sit down, grab your most comfy blanket, a box of tissues, and your biggest jar of nitroglycerin, because this post might just alter the course of your life.
Okay, I'll be sincere. This isn't about you (it's about time you start your own blog, I guess), it's definitely about me. And while we're on our way, let me first recap the past month of my life to you. Briefly (yeah, right).
Alicia and I landed in Sioux Falls (often referred to as SooFoo or Sucks Falls, the latter being more derogatory than it deserves) on August 11th, and her family greeted us at the airport with (silent) screams and hugs that couldn't have been more genuine. We went out to eat (count 1 of multiple fast food visits these past weeks) at Fuddruckers, and had the most amazing burgers (and my first Cherry Coke) over pleasant conversation with the family and one of Lish's friends who had tagged along. I immediately got along with her parents (I am a parent favorite, not surprisingly), and my somewhat crude, sarcastic sense of humor seemed to fit right in with the Coggins crowd. Now, our getting along was technically also the only option, because of the week we had ahead of us.
On the 13th of August we all ventured, by car, up to Grand Marais (Minnesota) and the Boundary Waters, with everything from tents, food packs, canoes, paddles, sleeping bags and matches to bug spray. We spent our first night at a camping ground at the edge of town (our last showers of the week), before we embarked on the 5-night trip into the wilderness. The Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness has a no-littering, no-motors, no unauthorized fires, no toilets, and no other people policy, which means the most rustic camping around. The entire rest of the week it was life as only Rambo would have preferred it: up at dawn, preparing all our meals over the campfire, 4-5 hours of intense paddling to find our next camp site, making poopsies in the woods or specially engineered latrines 150 ft from the lake, and about 14 portages (that is, carriages of 4 kevlar canoes, several oversized backbacks and food packs, paddles and so on, from one lake to another, oftentimes through dense vegetation or up steep hills). You'd be surprised, though; I ended up loving it. The camp fire bonding, healthy physical exercise, incredible starry nights, sleeping on the rocky ground, and being without a shower or shave for a week all turned out to be exactly what I needed. Disconnecting from society, from the Facebook monster, from Mr. TV, and from all our ridiculous comforts is an amazing feeling, and I'd go back and do it all again tomorrow, if I could. As aching, smelly, hurting, and tired as my body was after the trip, my soul couldn't be happier. That, my friends, is the meaning of good pain.
Returning to Beresford, Alicia's hometown, we spent our next weeks relaxing and being spoiled. Dawn, Alicia's mom, cooked us incredible meals every day, and the evenings were spent playing Rock Band (on X-Box) or Dice (the Coggins dice game that truly grows on you after a while, as simple as it is - and it doesn't hurt when you ROCK it completely every time either). One of the nights Alicia and I went back to Sioux Falls, with one mission on hand: Wal-Mart. We spent about 3 hours just walking around, taking in the atmosphere that is Wally's World, and concluded they were the exact WM dosage we'd been craving ever since leaving the US last time. You might not appreciate it now, but believe me - Wal-Mart is up there with apple pie and peach cobbler when abroad.
On the 2nd of September, I moved into the dorms, and got my room set up. Thanks to Alicia and her decision to save money (on car insurance?) and precious time on living at a friend's house, I now have the sweetest room around. I bought a black fridge, I have a black loft, a black (coooomfortable) couch, huge TV, and even my own bean bag chair. I bought a blender (for those Men's Health smoothies and occasional Jimmy Buffet nights) - and yes, that is black too. I brought 5 (!) suitcases of personal belongings and clothes (and thanks to a mistake made by United Airlines, I only paid $100 for the 3 that were both overweight and in excess - remember, technically just 2 bags of 50 lbs each), so now I have almost all my stuff in one cool room. Classes are hard (I'm taking Organic Chemistry, Terrestrial Plant Ecology, and Genetics), but I'll survive. I'll have worse later, so this is a good time to prove I can do it.
Lastly, I'm single again. But you probably knew that one. And there's nothing I feel like saying about that on a forum as public as a blog, so I'll just leave it with that. Let me just, incredibly, quote Usher: "Breaking up is a natural evolution when you try to figure out what you want in life. If you're with an individual who isn't moving in the same direction and at the same rate that you are, it ain't going to work." And I suppose it didn't.
It has, once again, been ages since I posted anything to this blog. My other blog, The Snowclone, has gotten a few more posts, probably because I just add whatever's not that interesting to that one. I do intend to blog a little more, though, so please keep me to it. I'll try.
The evening of February 29th was a dark and rainy one. I stepped out of the Dolly Dimple's garage complex, and stopped to look back at the building I had loathed for so long. I was done. It was over. I mused that the rain was the heavens crying, but that this time the tears were happy ones. I had just turned in my key card, my headset, and signed a couple of forms. As I left the premises, I didn't feel a single hint of the sadness I usually feel as something ends. My second, and not to mention very last, period at the pizza company's customer care center had come to a close, and I really couldn't care less. The second time around I hadn't really gotten to know that many at the office, and the really good friends from last time had all quit themselves, long before me. I had gotten Simen, a friend from high school, and Thomas, my at-times-deadbeat brother, a job there, but I reckon I'll see both of them frequently in the future as well.
What have I done since then? Well, enjoying the freedom, for one. And then I've gotten much more time to work out, especially since I got Simen to join, and now the two of us work out regularly at the local gym. Which feels good, and combined with eating properly (yes, I can do that too!) I've actually started to see some results, on the scale (and maybe otherwise? I don't know, it's still hard to tell). My practicals at the nursing home (for my R.N. thing, remember) ended the same day Dolly Dimple's did, so now I have sweeeet late lectures and almost no HW. Feels good. At the moment, Alicia and I are looking for a new apartment, which is proving less easy than initially thought. We'll get there, though, we just have to find the right one. And then hopefully I'll get a new job, hopefully at a hospital in Oslo, and then everything will fall into place.
As for jobs, Alicia just got one, too, with a little help from me. It was a breakfast server/room service attendant position at Norway's one and only 5-star first class hotel, starting at 6 am and catering to all the most needy of rich guests the capital has to offer. She loves it, though, and it's just so cute to see how amazed she is by making $25/hour. That's Norway for you, high wages by international standards, but not that high when spending them in the same country. I'm so happy for her, and she absolutely deserves it. I have one hard-working, talented girlfriend! :P
Now all that remains is to find a job for me, settle in the eventual new apartment, and wait for spring. Man, that'll be sweet. Oh, and by the way: Go Obama '08!
It's amazing how much energy it took for me to start posting on this again. I've (no, duh) taken a break, or as some would characterize it, an unflatteringly long vacation from the whole blogging scene. Not that anyone cared, but I kind of did. Once in a while I'd get really good ideas for a post, or just simply the hankerin' for a good, long post about some of the world's good or evil. Or just simply about some of my day to day doings and wrongdoings. Undoubtedly it serves as a vent for me, a place for me to just let some of it hang out to dry and just.. be. I don't know. Some part of me says there's no reason to write this stuff if no one reads it, but now I happen to know that people do indeed read it both here on Blogger and at the Facebook feed (under My Notes). So it's not all for me. Some is for you, whoever you are. Think of me as Santa (if the season permits), and yourself as every child in the world. I will probably stop existing in cyberspace if no one ever believes in me (or reads my rants), so I just don't want there to stop being children out there, if you catch my drift. Keep staying tuned, now I won't let you down.
This fall. A long one. In fact, I guess the weather in Oslo can still be classified as fall, with nightly temperatures staying in the higher 40's still. My fall (student as I am) started in August, right about when summer break ended. A little before this, on August 6th as a matter of fact, my first day at my new job started as well. I had been to an interview arranged thorugh Julie a few weeks before, and (of course, -fill in arrogant, smirky comment-) basically blew my new boss away with my aptitude and skills. I gotta say it; job interviews are my thing. I rock at job interviews, whereever and whenever. Now, THAT's a skill. Anyways, I got the job I wanted, and on August 6th started working for the Dolly Dimple Pizza Restaurants company. I don't actually handle the pizzas (I leave that to people like my brother, the schmo who's just embarked on a career as a professional chef). What I do, and this might sound like the easiest thing in the world, is that I work at their customer care center. You know, the place you'd call to order a pizza. Or the place you call to yell at someone for not getting your pizza, or the wrong one. And there I am, answering like 100-200 calls every shift, and processing complaints and making sure the restaurants are doing their job, etc. To make sure effectivity is at its best, we have a little dialog that we basically use and adapt to each customer that calls in. And that dialog is a frutratingly irritating piece of work, I'll tell ya. Try to say 8-10 sentences many hundred times a day, and after a while you might start wondering why monkeys or robots aren't doing your job instead.
"Hello, you're talking to Christian" "Would you like to have your pizza delivered or as take out, please?" "And at what restaurant would you like to pick it up?" "What pizza would you like, sir?" "And would ypu like a small or a large one, please?" "Would you like any cheese on the crust/sour cream/garlic dressing/salsa/soda with that?" "Will that be all? "OK, that's a large 'Beef Eater', with cheese on the crust and salsa, and that'll come to $32 and be ready at your restaurant in 20 minutes." "You're welcome. Have a nice day!"
(Did I say monkeys? I meant guinea pigs.)
Anyways. That's my new job. The people are nice, the pay decent and the shifts good, so I'm not complaining. And we get a lot of perks. I love perks. And their pizza (only allowing myself one a month now, to keep from getting unhealthier).
Then you've probably gathered by now that I'm going to school in Oslo, and that it's no regular picnic (unless you usually have picnics over human intestines, lungs and hearts, as well as other unmentionables). My new college (the Encefalon College of Pre-Medicine) specializes in a one-year introduction (and a truly thorough one at that!) to medicine. In a year, three separate (as separate as anything in medicine can be from other things) sections, we are going to cover most of the body's wonderful anatomy, physiology, cytology, pathology, microbiology and psychiatry, as well as the health care system, the various exams a doctor should know how to perform, and a whole spectrum of drugs (read: evil pharmacology) needed to understand the basics of what makes us tick. I can feel the pressure, even though 1 of 3 major exams have been taken and none are scheduled before March. I did well on the first one, sporting a B and C where most others either failed or got the weird Norwegian "E"-grade (seeing as it doesn't exist most other places). I'm relieved that my B was in pathology, which is unimaginably essential when even contemplating becoming a doctor - Dr. - and Dr. CK to be exact. Don't worry about my ego. It's supposed to be big, that's how I'll survive when I hit the cascade of walls later.
So that's me and my status quo. Between work and homework my schedule doesn't get many unfilled slots nowadays, so now I'm looking forward to Christmas. I wonder how I will find the time to shop for Christmas presents (btw, leave your Christmas wish in a comment to this post if you're expecting a gift from me, 'cause I don't know who I should extend my gift shopping to this year. Immediate family, further, or friends? Let me know, anyways.)
More good news from me before I leave you for now. This Christmas will spent in Arizona and California, USA, for my part, with my beloved Lybberts, the second family of mine. I'm leaving on the morning of the 17th, next Sunday, so please get all gifts (the millions I know I'll get) to me by that time. Oh, how I loved saying that. Anyways, Arizona will be a blast, I haven't seen the family in a year now, so it'll most definitely rock. YAY!
I never thought I would be one of the people to say this, but life never goes according to plan. When I first arrived in the US on August 19th of last year, to live in the US for the second time in my life, I was absolutely sure it would be years upon years before I would ever call Norway my formal home again. I arrived in Sioux Falls after ten days in Arizona, and was suddenly struck by the contrasts this country has to offer. And this time, contrasts would turn out to be a bad thing. South Dakota, a fairly unpopulated farm and prairie state, would in fact end up being so different from my beloved Arizona, that living here longer than I have is inconceivable. I pondered the options long and well, but eventually reached the conclusion that Norway is where I belong, at least for the time being. I decided to return home, and now I have only hours till my plane leaves. I will, as odd as it may sound, miss certain aspects of being here though, and some I have mentioned below.
My trip to Arizona and Las Vegas. I've been to both places many times before, but I always enjoy going there.
Our trip to the Black Hills.The Black Hills are a region of western South Dakota, where Donn took the whole group of newly arrived international students back in September. We went to see Mount Rushmore and the Crazy Horse monument, as well as hiking to the top of the lookout spot Harney Peak and one of the Black Hills. The trip was a truly social one, where I got to know both Victor, Kei and Markus better.
My trip to Chicago. I went there to attend an ANSA meeting, which I was a contact person for this year. We went sightseeing in the city, had meetings, ate out every evening, went to an authentic jazz club, and basically had fun in my second most favorite American city. It was just a weekend, but truly felt longer.
Trip to New York in October. Victor and I, Marianne, and the three Norwegian soccer girls here went to the Big Apple, and spent 5 full days sightseeing everything there was to see. Victor and I took off on our own, and found some pretty neat local places and sights away from the tourist crowds. The trip was my second one to NY, but this time I really got to see and experience the city. The company was fun, and we all enjoyed the stuff we saw and did.
Thanksgiving in Arizona. I love this season, and of course I love my host family. A good combination. We had the authentic meal, and the whole feeling of being back in their family again, which was great. And the best way of celebrating Thanksgiving.
Going home to Norway for Christmas.I went back to see my mom, dad, brother, and friends, something I never did while in Arizona. A good change of pace, and fun to see all the people again. And of course, great to celebrate Christmas and New Years with my family. I might not have gotten a hold of Thomas, but in return I had many fun days with Julie while I was home.
Roadtrip to Iowa. This last semester has been pretty much uneventful, but this was pretty fun. Not so much because of where we went, but because I got to drive the whole way there, more than 600 miles in all. I got my driver's license shortly after.
LOST evenings and coffee shop nights. From one of the first weeks we were here, Victor and I started the tradition of meeting in the East tv-room (actually 5 monthes before I even lived there) to watch Lost every Wednesday. Being a social and fun break from our everyday lives, Marianne and I carried it on after Victor left in December. Coffee shop nights were started sometime in the beginning of this semester, and have also become a fun Thursday getaway with Kristin, Ashley, Ambie, Jennapher, Denise, Jenni, Maren, and the rest of the gang.
The hospital volunteering. Ever since I started working in the ER, I have finally found something I love doing, and gotten myself back on track again. It's been very interesting, and I truly got a lot from wandering around in my blue scrubs, observing all the special cases, finally getting to help people.
A few hours ago I was wandering happily across campus, joyfully listening to the Jason Mraz tunes in my head and just feeling the very relaxation I have lacked since.. well, since after spring break. Then it suddenly struck me. The campus, usually filled with people walking hurriedly back and forth from their classes, to lunch, or to hang with friends, was now suddenly eerily empty. I found myself being the only one walking anywhere, a fact that just then sank in. The day I have been wishing for since January has somehow managed to sneak up on me, and I can't say I was prepared even though I wanted it to come as badly as I did. Throughout the past few days people have been showing actual sadness over me leaving, something that made me sad to. I did, after all, have friends here, and for a moment I pondered how bad it really was, this place. I will still rush onto the airplane today, practically running to make sure I don't get left behind in this town, but this time I do so with a greater deal of melancholy. I truly wish the people whose paths have crossed mine a fantastic, accomplished life, and all the best, even though reality has it that I probably will see very few of them ever again.
275 days is a long time anywhere. And now I have concluded mine, with its many ups and downs. I'm ready to come home now, with whatever that might bring.
Time is standing amazingly still nowadays. You see, we're on winter break, and I'm actually trying to have money to buy food and clothes the next four months, thus giving up my dream of wasting money on whatever "break" longer than three days that comes along. Sure, my initial (money-wasting) impulse was to pack my bags and get on a plane to Arizona for the week, but then I soon came to my senses. Well, 'senses' might be an overstatement, because it actually took the message from my bank in Norway telling me I barely had enough money to pay my skyrocketing tuition fees to change my travel-obsessed mind. Thus, while my friends are off skiing in the Black Hills ski resorts, roaming the beaches of Jamaica and partying it up in Kansas, I'm here at three o'clock at night chillaxing with a few episodes of Scrubs and updating you on Blogger. I'm not complaining, if there's something I'm an expert at, doing absolutely nothing and enjoying it would certainly be it.
I don't deal well with alone-time, though. Thinking is probably the biggest danger of such moments, and I've had plenty of time to do it. Here are a few of my realizations:
Hawai'i Pacific University is a fairy tale made up by my previously mentioned travel-obsessed mind. This means that it would probably not be either a good career choice, nor a place I could genuinely live without losing my edge/focus.
I DO need to get away from Sioux Falls and this college, though. But where would I go? I need either a college that would accept the high school credits Augustana has accepted (to finish in three years), or a college that's such a stepping stone for my career that it doesn't matter if I would have to go an extra year.
Does it matter if I spend 7 instead of 6 years becoming a doctor? Does it?
Do I absolutely want to become a doc? Or could acting/directing/screenwriting be something I would enjoy just as much? Or would I not be happy unless I could develop a god complex or help people? And can I actually make it? Fear of failure lingers in the back of my mind, with a fear of making the wrong decision (oh, it's just my life).
Certainly a lot of important questions, and I have no one to discuss it with. But I'm a formidable conversational partner to myself, so I think I'll figure something out. Tips accepted, though (write me a comment).
On a completely different, everyday type of note; I haven't moved yet. I was supposed to, but then plans tangled and schedules broke, and here I still am. But I'll probably get out of my private dungeon this week sometime, so watch out for pics.
Anyways, last week Smallville's episode number 100 aired, and I was along for the edge-of-my-seat ride. As forewarned, someone Clark loved was supposed to die, and in an intricate twist I ended up being wrong about the character in play. Clark showed Lana his abilities in the Fortress of Solitude, and wrapped the whole spectacle up with compacting a piece of coal into a diamond and popping the question. But, as we know by now, people who know the secret have to disappear somehow (Chloe excluded so far), and Lana was no exception. Rattled by Lex' insinuations to learn Clark's secret, she fled his mansion and embarked on a fast paced road chase followed by the Luthor, and after few minutes found herself dead in her own car wreckage. Clark, desperate and heartbroken, appealed to Jor-El (the heartless spirit-like biological father from Krypton) to let him make things right, and subsequently found himself in a "Butterfly Effect"-like reliving of the day. This time he manages to save Lana, but doesn't propose or tell her the famous Secret, leading to their inevitable breakup. The whole thing seems to end quite well, all until the final scenes are unearthed. Jonathan Kent, Clark's adoptive dad and my all-time favorite TV dad, has just been elected senator of Kansas, and finds himself in his barn where Lex' dad Lionel pays him a visit. As bastardly evildoers go, Lionel proceeds to threaten Jonathan with a picture he somehow shouldn't be in possession of. Jonathan tells him off, before landing a perfect punch that has Lionel flying across the room. Exhausted from the energic punch and anger, he staggers out of the barn, while Lionel takes the picture and leaves. Jonathan is standing in the middle of the yard when Clark and Martha come driving up to him, and get out of the car. Something is obviously wrong, Jonathan looks weaker than ever. Clark and his mom run over to him, just in time to catch him as he collapses where he stands. There, in Clark and Martha's arms, Jonathan takes his last, loving look at his family before he passes away.
Sad, sad, and I had a heavy feeling in my whole body when it was over. Of all the people, so totally undeserving. No offense, Lois Lane, but when she was electrocuted in the middle of the show, I actually hoped it would be her that was taken off. Anyways, my disturbingly sincere interest in the show's characters aside, it was a good, well made episode. I'm a big fan of John Schneider, so not having him and his good-hearted character in the show anymore's going to be hard.
I discovered the funniest comedian the other day, actually, and he's one of very few that can make me laugh so much I cry. His name's Dane Cook, you should check him out (funny clips are located at www.comedycentral.com).
What else can I tell ya in this big update? Well, by now you probably know that my birthday's coming up, so in order for me to make it easier on you, I have made a wish list with amazon.com, where the gifts you buy are automatically shipped to me. Easy, huh? Check it out here. I think that's it, folks, for now, and I'll tell ya how my moving is going ASAP. :)
What stories make up a life? And are some stories more important than others? This fall I began a journey into the world of biology comfortably back in the US, after a year of nursing in Norway. In this blog I intend to share all the little intricacies of my life with you, and you have the option of reading it or not. But prepare to be captivated. Maybe even mesmerized.
