The Death of Fairy Tales

Time is standing amazingly still nowadays. You see, we're on winter break, and I'm actually trying to have money to buy food and clothes the next four months, thus giving up my dream of wasting money on whatever "break" longer than three days that comes along. Sure, my initial (money-wasting) impulse was to pack my bags and get on a plane to Arizona for the week, but then I soon came to my senses. Well, 'senses' might be an overstatement, because it actually took the message from my bank in Norway telling me I barely had enough money to pay my skyrocketing tuition fees to change my travel-obsessed mind. Thus, while my friends are off skiing in the Black Hills ski resorts, roaming the beaches of Jamaica and partying it up in Kansas, I'm here at three o'clock at night chillaxing with a few episodes of Scrubs and updating you on Blogger. I'm not complaining, if there's something I'm an expert at, doing absolutely nothing and enjoying it would certainly be it.

I don't deal well with alone-time, though. Thinking is probably the biggest danger of such moments, and I've had plenty of time to do it. Here are a few of my realizations:

Hawai'i Pacific University is a fairy tale made up by my previously mentioned travel-obsessed mind. This means that it would probably not be either a good career choice, nor a place I could genuinely live without losing my edge/focus.

I DO need to get away from Sioux Falls and this college, though. But where would I go? I need either a college that would accept the high school credits Augustana has accepted (to finish in three years), or a college that's such a stepping stone for my career that it doesn't matter if I would have to go an extra year.

Does it matter if I spend 7 instead of 6 years becoming a doctor? Does it?

Do I absolutely want to become a doc? Or could acting/directing/screenwriting be something I would enjoy just as much? Or would I not be happy unless I could develop a god complex or help people? And can I actually make it? Fear of failure lingers in the back of my mind, with a fear of making the wrong decision (oh, it's just my life).

Certainly a lot of important questions, and I have no one to discuss it with. But I'm a formidable conversational partner to myself, so I think I'll figure something out. Tips accepted, though (write me a comment).

On a completely different, everyday type of note; I haven't moved yet. I was supposed to, but then plans tangled and schedules broke, and here I still am. But I'll probably get out of my private dungeon this week sometime, so watch out for pics.

Anyways, last week Smallville's episode number 100 aired, and I was along for the edge-of-my-seat ride. As forewarned, someone Clark loved was supposed to die, and in an intricate twist I ended up being wrong about the character in play. Clark showed Lana his abilities in the Fortress of Solitude, and wrapped the whole spectacle up with compacting a piece of coal into a diamond and popping the question. But, as we know by now, people who know the secret have to disappear somehow (Chloe excluded so far), and Lana was no exception. Rattled by Lex' insinuations to learn Clark's secret, she fled his mansion and embarked on a fast paced road chase followed by the Luthor, and after few minutes found herself dead in her own car wreckage. Clark, desperate and heartbroken, appealed to Jor-El (the heartless spirit-like biological father from Krypton) to let him make things right, and subsequently found himself in a "Butterfly Effect"-like reliving of the day. This time he manages to save Lana, but doesn't propose or tell her the famous Secret, leading to their inevitable breakup. The whole thing seems to end quite well, all until the final scenes are unearthed. Jonathan Kent, Clark's adoptive dad and my all-time favorite TV dad, has just been elected senator of Kansas, and finds himself in his barn where Lex' dad Lionel pays him a visit. As bastardly evildoers go, Lionel proceeds to threaten Jonathan with a picture he somehow shouldn't be in possession of. Jonathan tells him off, before landing a perfect punch that has Lionel flying across the room. Exhausted from the energic punch and anger, he staggers out of the barn, while Lionel takes the picture and leaves. Jonathan is standing in the middle of the yard when Clark and Martha come driving up to him, and get out of the car. Something is obviously wrong, Jonathan looks weaker than ever. Clark and his mom run over to him, just in time to catch him as he collapses where he stands. There, in Clark and Martha's arms, Jonathan takes his last, loving look at his family before he passes away.

Sad, sad, and I had a heavy feeling in my whole body when it was over. Of all the people, so totally undeserving. No offense, Lois Lane, but when she was electrocuted in the middle of the show, I actually hoped it would be her that was taken off. Anyways, my disturbingly sincere interest in the show's characters aside, it was a good, well made episode. I'm a big fan of John Schneider, so not having him and his good-hearted character in the show anymore's going to be hard.

I discovered the funniest comedian the other day, actually, and he's one of very few that can make me laugh so much I cry. His name's Dane Cook, you should check him out (funny clips are located at www.comedycentral.com).

What else can I tell ya in this big update? Well, by now you probably know that my birthday's coming up, so in order for me to make it easier on you, I have made a wish list with amazon.com, where the gifts you buy are automatically shipped to me. Easy, huh? Check it out here. I think that's it, folks, for now, and I'll tell ya how my moving is going ASAP. :)


Notice the "balls" on this truck!

Labels: Everyday, Major Updates, Pictures, Television

posted by CK @ 02:39

Whatcha' Doin'?

For those of you wondering what's influencing me nowadays, take look at the TV-show Scrubs.

I have a couple of contemporary joys nowadays. I'm working in the international office here on campus, for the director who's gone on a trip to Norway and who won't be back until February. I've been sat to make him websites (3 to be exact), on the topics Studying Abroad, the organization "South Dakota Sons of Norway", and lastly a webiste where guests can sign up to join some events the school's hosting in Norway. All great fun, but not nearly enough to fill 80 hours of work (equaling 2 weeks of 9-5 working, and 2 credit hours on my report card). Hence (and I sincerely hope my boss doesn't read this, but I'll tell you nevertheless) I get a lot of time to listen to music and surf the triple w's. Fun, and somewhat repetitive and boring when I don't have anything to do, but a good way of getting those precious two credits for internship work.

I moved, too, I haven't told ya that, to the north side of campus (where all the "big kids" live), and to a residence hall that's so-called "unassisted living", i.e. party-hardy and with more responsibility left up to the individual. Joy. My room's a little small and dungeon-like, though, even despite the fact that it's on the 4th floor (the very top, my "penthouse", hahaha). A friend of mine, Landon, is moving next week, to Honduras to join the Peace Corps, and that's when I swoop in and take over his room. It's bigger, in better shape, and actually square. It even has a little 'balcony', a wide ledge on the top of the roof accessed from the window, where you can sit and ponder life's big issues (like I need more of that) while taking in the flat, South Dakotan landscape and the sunrise. I'll post pictures on Saturday, after moving in.

Hold your breath.

Labels: Everyday, Minor Updates, News

posted by CK @ 02:38

Anniversary to Turn Dark

Smallville, Smallville, Smallville. This Thursday, the 26th, the 100th episode of my favorite show will air, and I'll be sitting right there at 7 to catch it. Not just because that's what I always do, need to do, but because this episode will feature one of the biggest turns in the show's 5 year history. A person Clark loves will have to be exchanged for the life he was given back by Jor-El after being shot when he was mortal, and I have my terrible premonitions about the character in play. All the WB's said is "Someone Clark loves will be taken away in a car crash", and judging from the words "love" and the last few episodes' focus on a certain relationship, the realization is too painful to make.

I can't even utter it, but I can't stop it. Holding my breath.

Labels: Television

posted by CK @ 07:00

Existential Crisis Deciphered

As I write this post, my mind keeps telling me that I shouldn't. I should, it says, instead be running from bar to bar partying it up (a little late there, mind, since it's 2:00 a.m., but nice try), studying some vague medical subject just so I'm prepared for the MCAT or whatever other important task I have to complete the next few years, or even sleeping to be able to wake up and be able to make the most out of my last 19 days and 22 hours as a teenager. That's just the thing; my birthday, my 20th birthday, the big 2-0 is coming up, and I'm basically freaking out. I keep torturing myself every free minute I have, mostly with questions like if I have made the most out of my teenage years, those precious teenage years that so many "adults" spend incredible amounts of time and money trying to revert to, and if I could have done more, or if there's something I could have done differently. I was after all given 2557 days of teenagehood, and now they are coming to and end, one second at a time. Will I be able to tell my children that yes, dad made the most out of his teenage years, partying it up and doing everything he could have done, with no regrets? Isn't that what it all comes down to? Did my teenage years just pass me by, did I just waste them all, and now suddenly waking up and realizing it in the past few weeks of it? Has my life so far just been a mockery, a bad movie, a boring C-movie that I wouldn't even want to see if given the choice? That I'm even asking these questions scares me, because I shouldn't have to. I should be able to simply state that "these were good times, I'm content with this, I did all I possibly could and now it's time to enter the more serious adulthood". But no, I can't, I'm stuck here in my uncertainty, wondering if I just screwed up the 8 years of my life that everyone who've left them seem desperate to go back to.

I hate this. I'm now down to the 19th day and 21st hour before I exit my teenage years, and I still don't know if I should cry over spilt milk or feel good about refilling my cup. Some things I do know I have done right though, and others I cannot quite decide if were either positive or negative. The first positive thing that comes to mind from my past 8 teenage years must be going on my exchange year to Arizona. It was certainly a journey I'll never regret, and that makes me feel good. I did something out of the ordinary, I broadened my horizon, and I had more fun than most typical teens do. A big point on the good side of life, which I guess means I have to balance it out with a few minor negative ones. First of all, I certainly know that I didn't spend as much time with my grandmother before she passed away as I would have liked to, and the same goes for my cat Farouk. Once in a while I still imagine him entering whatever room I'm in, just to turn and face the fact that he's not there, and never will be again. Such losses are hard to take, but are sadly enough a part of life, a part we all must experience if we are daring enough to love someone. That's the hazard, but to me the grief will never outweigh the joy of love, and thus I guess the love is worth whatever pain it will inevitably cause.

You make a lot of acquaintances in 8 years, and some you are lucky enough to make friends. I have kept mostly all the people worth keeping in my life, and that I would say I'm content with. Some are new, and others have gotten to prove themselves more long-lasting. My friend Julie and I, for example, have been friends for 6 years now, which is probably the second longest of my friendships that I currently still can say I have. But just as you keep some friends, others seem to suddenly and mysteriously count themselves out, like Thomas. I'm beginning to come to terms with it now, but that's hard too, that he's decided we're not worth his time anymore, and that he'd like it more if he could live his life without me in it. Okay, I say, I certainly did my part, and probably more than could be expected of anyone who's brushed off like that, so I actually don't regret anything when it comes to Thomas. He made his choice and stuck with it, and thus he's the one who has to live with killing a 9 year old friendship. Sad, sure, inexplicable, sure, but when he's 25 and he gets dumped by his girlfriend, he'll have to call someone else, because then I'll have other people relying on me to be there for them.

But halfway bitter remarks about past best friends aside, what else have I done with my precious years of life? I went to college, that's something, and even that's more than anyone in my family, which should be noted as an accomplishment. I have gotten a plan for the future, which is also a good thing, as well as reconnecting to and finally establishing some equal relationship to my brother. I've learned that a not so picture perfect background doesn't necessarily put any ends to the dreams you can have, and more than ever I believe that dreams that defy logic usually end up being the best realities.

So, what else should I have done? Exercised, that's one. Let's not ignore the elephant in the room (more literally than anything else), I'm not exactly an athlete, neither have been since I was like 14. But, obsessed eating out of boredom and negative feelings aside, I have wishes and visions, exemplified in the various idols I have chosen. The Smallvillian Clark Kent (including Tom Welling), for one, with his mild mannered personality and cool, athletic appearance, J.D. from "Scrubs" (also the guy who plays him, Zach Braff), for another, seeing as he's both funny, cool and profound, and even Bright (Chris Pratt) from Everwood's a person I'd like to be more like. Hopefully I'm not the only one in this world with role models to aspire to, and hopefully you don't think I'm all weird now. Anyways, I think we all need stuff to reach for, so I'll just tell you that I keep reaching every day, even though it seems to be an eternal struggle to actually find out who you are in the scheme of things.

Life is a long book, I guess (oh, Christian, that's original, did you think of that all by yourself? Amazing), and now a chapter is about to close for me. It contains many battles, some won and some lost, much love and many adventures, many times I'd love to relive and others I wish could have been taken out, many choices with uncertain outcomes, many friends and a few really good ones, more deaths of loved ones than should have been, less guilt than initially thought, and a heck of a student loan. What I can say for certain, anyways, is that I cherish where I am now, and no age can ever tell me not to be a teenager at heart. I miss a lot of things, look forward to even more, and I actually think turning 20 could become a good thing. I'll try to make sure that this next decade doesn't contain any regrets, only won battles, and more self realizing. It's time I start anew, with a blank slate and only the good luggage packed and ready to go, because future: Here I come.

Reminding you that in 19 days, 20 hours, 20 minutes, Christian will turn 20, and that's why February 11th, 2006 is a special day.

Labels: Complaining, Ponderings

posted by CK @ 10:40

Life Without Bubbles

I came to a stunning realization the other day, one that might be stunning solely because I want to be a doctor sometime in the future, or simply because I call it a realization. Either way, I discovered that I think I would be much happier not having to listen to all the bad things that happen out there. To my friends, to my family, to strangers I get into conversations with just because I'm bored and try to be a people person, or even to people I never expected to share their troubles with me, like the cafeteria lady or the janitor. In some ways, and I don't mind this because it's slightly cool, my life shares some similarities with the life of J.D. from "Scrubs", but the thing with that is that I also have to harbor everyone else's ponderings with my own. Once in a great, long while, or to be more exact nowadays, every six months, I too get to blurt out whatever's been on my mind to someone who can actually be a satisfying conversational partner. But, due to friend-friend confidentiality (or friend-stranger, or friend-cafeteria lady), much like my favorite doctor-patient confidentiality, I can never share other people's problems with anyone but myself. And that has a way of getting to me, seeing as whenever the conundrum-smitten person is over whatever was ailing them, I'm still carrying it around, pondering it. Sometimes, and this might sound weird, it might be the good kind of problems that's been shared with me, the kind that stays a problem for a while, and then I'm able to revisit the problematic topic with the only person I can, the problem holder.

Now, some things that have been shared with me have really haunted me, things I really wish hadn't been shared with me at all, but that I'm happy got shared anyways for the sake of the person, mostly because some things really break down my beautiful illusion that world is a cotton candy colored place where we do nothing but dance around on flowers all day and where that's totally okay. In fact, the first notion that titled this post was indeed that I'd love for nothing more than to seal myself up in a bubble containing just that fluffy world, where all the negative energy would just bounce off. But, when we get down to it, someone has to be the one who takes the weight off other people's chests, because without them everyone's bubble would explode. And in some sense, I think having people like that, or better yet, being that person, would start making the need for a bubble go away.

Pop.

Labels: Pictures

posted by CK @ 10:30

Season of Love, Family, and Disappointments

[For other pictures accompanying this post, go to the
December-January Pictures site.]

It's the day of December 15th, and I have just finished my last final, a biology final about evolution that I overslept to and arrived 10 minutes late at, and all the important packing had been done. Denise, Kristin Dunn's older sister, called me and told me that she'd pick me up outside of Solberg 15 minutes later. Kristin had, since they were going down to Omaha, Nebraska anyways, offered to take me there, so that I could fly cheaply to Phoenix and not have to get on a nasty bus for 24 hours. However, due to a family crisis she couldn't join us on the trip, and I was taken by Denise instead. From Omaha to Phoenix, from Phoenix to hotel, from hotel to bus station, and nearly missing bus due to hotel shuttle driver incompetence.

Anyways, I arrived in Lakeside after 4 hours in a van, and there we spent the next few days decorating the house with lights, having Norwegian style rice porridge, and going to King Kong (great, BTW). I left their house with Ren on Monday the 19th, down to Phoenix, and we went shopping Christmas gifts and to Applebee's before I boarded the plane. It was a long, but nevertheless worthwhile trip, seeing as the anticipation made the greeting from a crying mom and enthusiastic brother and grandmother so much better.

The following days and weeks I would come to spend a lot of time with my brother. The first day however, I slept until 6pm and loved every second of it, even though I had been placed on a couch since my bed had been taken out and the room given to Thomas (mi hermano). The second day, December 22nd, I wrapped the Christmas present I had gotten for my (best?!) friend Thomas, and my brother and I made our way to his apartment. There was no one opening the door, despite his car being parked outside, and we decided he should get the present no matter if he wanted it or not. We flung it over the railing to his balcony, and left to go home.

On the 23rd we didn't really do anything, but it was totally chillaxing just hanging out with my brother and his recently acquired girlfriend. I secretly validated, as is my job as older brother, her positive and negative sides, and in the end came to the conclusion that she was worth his time (it should be noted that my personal validations are pretty darn tough, possibly tougher than the maternal one, so 'worth his time' is actually not an all that bad result). We had (my second time) rice porridge, this time on the correct day, and Thomas ended up getting the almond and thus the marzipan pig. I think this was about the day when I met Julie again for the first time, and she took me to Kirkeristen, where I bought her a coffee and we talked for about an hour. It was nice to finally talk to a friend from home again, someone from the Oslo life I lived only six months ago, and someone who actually cared how I'd been.

Christmas Eve. It's hopefully redundant by now, seeing as I've covered two Christmas celebrations on this blog already, but I'll say it again; this is Norway's official Christmas celebration. We don't, like the US, celebrate Christmas day at all. We woke up early enough, 11am, and made our way to the cemetery where we visited the spots where my grandmother's buried, and placed a nice wreath and a candle by her tombstone. Then we drove out to my other grandmother's house, and after getting somewhat lost we finally arrived around 5pm.

After some waiting we had dinner, pork ribs, various sausages, potatoes, gravy, meat patties and so on. After a long, but nevertheless unproductive gift exchange with my brother and I doing the job of the tired 11 year old Santa Claus, we basically drove back home and decorated the Christmas tree (which is usually done the preceding day). Merry Christmas!

Christmas day. I woke up around 2-ish, and by then my mom had cleared the table of the various Christmas breakfast items. I still got it brought out to me, with boiled eggs and the whole whoop-de-doo, and the day after this turned out to be quite uneventful. I hanged out with my brother, my mom went off to some friends, and we stayed up to like 6-7am the next three days. Somehow it seems like I always do that, when I can anyways, turn the day around so that I'm awake when everyone else sleeps, and like it's somehow more natural to me.

The various days between Christmas and Newyears, in Norwegian called 'romjul', were very chill days as well. I went out to see a movie with my friends one day, "Broken Flowers" with Bill Murray, which was nice but had a puzzling, unsettled and sudden end. The next day we went out to a bar and talked for a few hours, and met up with some other friends, checked in on their lives if you will.

Then, on December 30th, I went on the plane to Trondheim, where my dad and his fiancee lives, and he met me at the airport. On Newyears Eve we went to a friend of theirs, and had Chateau Briand for dinner. Then we went back home to his place for the panoramic view of the enormous fireworks display sent up by almost every single resident of the city, including us. It was beautiful! Then, when the guests went home, my dad and I sat up until 8am talking, and then I called my AZ family on their New Years minute to talk to them all for 40 minutes.

The nest few days I spent in Trondheim, and we had turkey on January 1st, and various good dinners the next days, and then on the 2nd we went to see his recently bought cabin only 10 minutes from his house, in the woods. It was all great fun, and then he wanted me to stay 2 more days and rebooked my ticket. I got back to Oslo on the 4th, and spent that day with my brother again.

On the 5th, after an early doctor's visit, I met up with Julie at 3 o'clock. We went to a pizza restaurant, actually in the company she works for, and had a great pizza there. It had both a (supposedly) hot pepper half, called "Brennheit", and an even hotter Thai part which was really great with salsa and a greek dressing, called "Thai Summer". From there we went to her favorite place to hang out nowadays, "Green Chili", where we basically stayed for 6-7 hours just exhausting their coffee list (including Vietnamese Waiting Coffee) and having a great cake (and not to mention getting a sugar high from an overdose of brown sugar). It was great fun catching up with Jules again, time tends to fly whenever we catch up like that, and it was good to see that time doesn't play such an important part in all people's relationships.

The 6th would become another interesting day. Thomas, mi hermano, my brotha, and I, went down to the Postal Office Headquarters to get him a job. He did, of course, go in to their receptionist and ask if they knew "how to get a job". He should have added "around here", but he didn't, and was referred to some job agency on the other side of town. By then he was to embarrassed to go in again, and we went to McD's and got a burger. Then we met up with Julie, whom we went with to one of her restaurants to pick up a discount PS2 game I was going to give Thomas for Christmas. Then we went to Green Chili, had a coke, and went to a kebab place and got a burning hot kebab. It turned out better, but at first it burned our tongues off.

Later that night I got the brilliant idea to get on the subway to Thomas, my best (?!?!?!) friend, to see what the frickin' heck was wrong with him. The past six months I've actually, like normal people do, tried to call him and talk to him from the US. And every time he hears my voice, after his "Hey, it's Thomas", he actually hangs up! As ridiculous and childish as it may sound from a guy who's almost 20 years old, that's what he's actually done every one of the like 30 times I've called him. And when he even did it while I was in the same city as him, and after giving him a Christmas gift and message on his cell phone, I decided to go down there. Not that it clarified everything, because the guy didn't open the door at all, even though it was a weekday. Angry, yes I was, but not as much as I am disappointed. What a way to suddenly turn around and crash a 9 year old friendship! The mystery of it all, though, bugs me the most, I have no clue as to what might be going through his mind, and I have no idea why he would just suddenly shut me so completely out of his life. People grow at different paces, I guess, and growing apart isn't all that unusual, but a notice would be good anyways. Or an explanation. Right now I'd take anything.

The dreaded 7th. My day of departure. My mom said her goodbyes, and my brother walked me to the bus station. We also said our goodbyes, and I got on the bus. Suddenly an inexplicable sadness, a profound sadness got a hold of me, and I couldn't seem to shake it. This time I wasn't running to something, it seemed, I was more like I was leaving something behind. It hurt, inexplicably, and I understood that this might have been the first time I actually felt like the things I was leaving behind weren't all that outweighed by what I was leaving for, and a doubt that still persists protruded my mind.

The flight went fine, I did however manage to oversleep and miss my bus to Sioux Falls from Minneapolis on Sunday, so that I had to stay for an additional day. I got to see the Mall of America, the biggest mall in the US, as well as the movie "Wolf Creek", which I watched as the only person in a big movie theatre. I got back to Sioux Falls okay, and since then I've been looking for internships at hospitals, since my classes don't start until February 7th. I was basically kicked out of the religion class I was in, seeing as I missed 4 days which constitutes about 3-4 weeks of normal classes, so that's why I'm suddenly class-less. I'm optimistic about the future, I'm looking into transferring to Hawai'i Pacific University this fall, so life has the capacity of being good/better again. I trust in my own capacity of getting it right somehow, anyhow, and then hopefully all the pieces of the puzzle will fit again. And I can enjoy the whole picture.

Labels: Pictures

posted by CK @ 04:34